Unix and God

I always had this confusion since childhood......One theory says that God is Omnipotent and Omniscient. In the sense that he controls and rules the world and that he knows everything about everything. Another theory says that we are the masters of our own destinies. I never understood how can both the theories co-exist. If it is already decided by God as to why and what I am going to be doing in this world, then how can I be the master of my destiny? Do I really have anything in my control.....and the thought of me being not in control of myself and my life really made me feel miserable. Even the Shakesparean play said that "This world is a stage and we are all actors on this stage". This did not help in allaying my fears because if we are all acting in the play directed by God, then the script must be already finalised . I seriously doubted God's intentions.

Though I am not highly spiritual, but this question always haunted me. I did ask my father regarding this and I guess he thought that I must be nuts to doubt God. Anyways, like so many other questions concerning rituals and customs, this was also thrown into oblivion. I still don't understand as to why parents don't agree that they don't have an answer rather than doubting the credibility of the question.

I had a lot of discussions regarding the same with Rajit and Pradeep, two friends who are the most inclined towards spirituality. I got the best possible answer to my longstanding question from Pradeep's explaination. This is how he explained it to me.

He said that God is omnipotent and omniscient no doubt but he realised that it is not at all pragmatic for him to control everything. So like Unix operating system, he has forked child processes of himself within each of us. So what it essentially means is that there is God in each and every living being. So when we pray, we are praying to the God which exists within ourselves. This God is what we also call as "The Soul". I instantly liked the theory because there was no scope of any external factor here. This made me believe that I am in control of my own life. Of course, there are lots of external factors which does have an impact on our lives, but then we are in a position to choose and act on those choices.

But still there is something that still haunts....Ok I understand that once I am into this world, I am in a position to choose between the rights and the wrong and etch my own destiny. But I still don't understand why I am existing in the first place. Why did God create the universe and all the people, animals etc.? What fun does he get by doing this? Did he do it out of any compulsion or in short, is there any reason for all this at all?

I have discussed this with quite a few people including my spiritual gurus Rajit and Pradeep! But I still haven't found any satisfying answers to this question.

But I do hope to find an answer to this ......atleast by the end of my life's journey.

This week has been good fun.......

- First I saw "Mein, Meri Patni aur Woh" alongwith Amit Sinha......its a very cute movie. Mithilesh Shukla (Rajpal Yadav) is a librarian in Lucknow University(that might get Rohit interested!)......he is not yet married and infact, never intends to get married. The reason.....his height or rather the lack of it! ........Then after a lot of pressure from his mother, he finally decides to go to Bareilly along with his Mama and see the girl.....The girl, Veena(played by beautiful Bengali actress Rituparno Sengupta) likes the simplicity and intelligence of Mithilesh and to his surprise agrees to get married to him......then they get married and there the real fun begins.....Mithilesh has this huge inferiority complex due to his height......he gets his scooter seat adjusted so that he looks taller than Veena......then he cajoles his friend Saleem to get him to agree to become his wife's Rakhi brother (b'cos he fears that Saleem is becoming too friendly with Veena).....then to his utter dismay....Veena's old friend Akash (Kay Kay Menon) enters their life......Then follows Mithilesh's quandary......he is totally shattered.....the rest of the film concentrates on setting the house in order, in typical Bollywood ishtyle! Overall, a decent fare.

- For Diwali, I went to Dheeraj's house.....we had a nice lunch(shavige bath etc.).......then in the evening Rajani and I decided to celebrate Diwali in our own way.....we went to CMH Road and bought 10 Diyas, a pack of wicks and til oil.....we came back home lit the diyas....it was such a satisfying experience.....To add to the fun.....Sampi uncle offered to burst some firecrackers along with his daughters.....Rajani and I were more than happy to join them......Sampi uncle also sent us some home made sweets....so generous of him! (Oh...I forgot to tell you guys that it was in return of chocolates which we offered his daughters!). Then Rohit came back from Mysore and had bought Kesari Bath (the real one, not Sheera)....hmm...it was yum! All in all.....a great day!

- I finished reading "One Night at call center" . In the true Chetan Bhagat style, this one is a pure entertainer just like his earlier book. Though it did not have any great literary value...a pukka paisa vasool is what I would call it.....Currently I am reading Amy Tan's "The Joyluck Club"....its been really interesting till now.....hope it ends the same way.

- Saw yet another movie "Garam Masala" with Pradeep. Yet another time-pass comedy by Priyadarshan....though not in the same league as "Hera Pheri"....a laugh riot neverthless..

A great week it has been till now......hope the weekend is fun too!

Well ....here are some poems that I had written during my days of glory (on the hindsight....was it my road to perdition????)

If You Are
If you are a dream
Then let me sleep
And never wake.

If you are a mirage
Then let me stay
In my madness.

If you are a song
Then press repeat
And never ever end.

If you are a game
Challenge me more
And let me win.

If you are light
Keep shining
And lead me out.

If you are a storm
Bring in the wind
And sweep me off my feet.

If you are a picture
Then hang on my wall
And let me look at you forever.

If you are a colour
Please be white
Pure and clean as the snow.

If you are a lie
Then trick me forever
And hide the truth.

Whatever you are
And whoever you are
Just be there
Now and forever.

Feelings
You make me smile when I’m blue
When you are not near me, I only think of you
Everything would be perfect if you felt it too
But you don’t and there is nothing I can do
I will just sit and wait until it’s all through
But my mind can’t think of anyone new
This isn’t fun and this isn’t right
But I know its not over, not yet, not tonight
And later you’ll be gone and completely out of sight
But I know I’ll still feel the way that I do
And nothing will change because of you
Before you leave and go away
There’s something I need to do and say
But it won’t matter because you don’t care
I just don’t understand, it really isn’t fair
All I need is just one last kiss
To know I will be the one you will miss
But it won’t happen, I never thought it would
I just wish that one time that it could.

Take My Hand
You slowly came into my life
And I suddenly began to fall
How could I have fallen so fast?
Not knowing you at all
I never thought I'd fall so hard
Or that I'd fall so deep
I never thought I'd dream of you
When I drifted off to sleep
I've waited for so long
To find a woman like you
And now that you're here
It seems too good to be true
Now I stand in front of you
With my heart out on my sleeve
Wishing you'd open up your heart
And share your life with me
I want to be held close
Within your warm embrace
I want to smile everyday
At the sight of your precious face
I want to laugh with you
Smile....and even cry
I know who you are
And what goes on inside
If you can look deep inside
And give to me your heart
I promise I'll never hurt you
I'll never break you apart
This may seem hard
For you to understand
But I'll show you all the love I have
Just come and take my hand.

Hmmm......I finally managed to finish reading a book. For most of you guys, it must be quite a routine stuff. But for me its quite an acheivement b'cos for the past so many months I used to start reading a book and leave it somewhere in the middle(Gopal would understand what I am trying to say!). I have no idea why I did that...I used to feel half way through that I should read something else and there you go....that book went into the oblivion and you would find a new book in my hand. The result....I never managed to finish reading a single one of them. Of course, Five Point Someone is an exception. But then I consider that more as a TV serial or a teen movie than a novel.
But on Saturday, I went to Crossword and bought three novels:
- Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
- To Sir With Love (E.R.Braithwaite)
- One night at a Call Centre (Chetan Bhagat)

This time I had decided that I will start with one of the books and will not give up till I finish that. After a little bit of pondering on which one to begin first, I choose "To Sir with Love". I managed to finish it in less than 2 days....hmm.....you can't measure how happy I feel at the end of it.

I am no voracious reader to critic a book but among all the books that I have managed to read, this one should rate as one of the better ones.

The story is autobiographical. It is the story of Ricardo Braithwaite(known as Rick).Rick is a Negro, born and bought up in British Guinea, the only British colony in South America.

The story begins like this : Rick has joined Greenslade school in the East of London as a teacher. This is Rick's first teaching assignment. He is not there out of his choice but out of compulsion. Rick has studied engineering in US and has worked for British Air Force for six years. After the post-war demobilisation, he applies to many big companies but is turned down by each and every one of them. The reason for rejection is not the lack of qualification but the color of his skin. Rick feels totally disintegrated and broken.

During his six years in the Air Force, he never realized that he was a black but after being back in the civilian life, this realisation struck him a hard blow. Out of no choice, Rick decided to try teaching, for the profession was in desperate need of educated men and women. He successfully negotiated an interview, but then found himself posted to one of the worst schools in the East End of London. He was further dismayed to discover that his students were an unruly, disruptive group of 15-year-olds.

Rick displays great aptitude as a teacher, but he is aware that there are lessons that he too must learn, particularly with reference to humility and patience. Unsurprisingly, it is the unruly students who soon begin to teach him the lessons.

To Sir With Love portrays the triumph over adversity concerning one highly unusual man's eight-month-long experience of an inner-city school that enables him to grow and occasions some of the people he comes into contact with to put their prejudices on hold.

Hey, I have finally started my own blog. It kinda makes me feel good.

Here are the reasons why I decided to start blogging :

- I love penning down my thoughts but for the past few years I had stopped doing that. So, I thought its time I got going once again.

- There are so many small incidents, occassions, parties etc. in our life which give us a lot of happiness and joy. By posting those thoughts here, I get to cherish these wonderful memories some years from now.

- I have been fortunate to have a wonderful set of friends. This blog would help me keep connected to them and give me an opportunity to express how much I treasure the good time spent with them.

- Lastly, this is the story of my life.......At the age of 50 or 60, I want to know how I have lived my life and what is it that I have cherished the most. At that age probably my memory will begin to fade away....this will keep me connected to my past.

Coffee Day (the one on 100 feet road) has kinda become our favourite hangout. We go there quite regularly....mostly to check out some cool babes.....or to just to sit and discuss how in the world the guy sitting on the next table managed to pataofy the girl, who in all probability looks like his girlfriend and wonder why on earth we don't have a girlfriend when everyone else around us seems to have one!

Usually, after a hard day's work, in the evening we go to Coffee Day.This "we" most often than not, consists of Pradeep, Vineet and of course, myself. We prefer to sit on a table outside as we don't like to sit inside.......The reason for that, you must be thinking is fresh air.....nopes, you are wrong. Since we go to Coffee Day on a regular basis, we have kind of made a statistical analysis, according to which the probability of pretty girls sitting on a table outside is higher than them sitting on the one inside. Girls like fresh air I suppose !

For the first ten to fifteen minutes, we discuss how our day at work was......then before we could discuss further, we notice that a pretty young thing has just walked-in. Our heads automatically turn towards the table that the girl has choosen to sit on. Vineet and I are the first to react.......if you thought that we get up, walk up to the girl and say hello, you are wrong. None of us have the slightest of guts to do something like that. We just discuss how pretty the girl looks, what a nice dress she is wearing, how sexy her eyes, lips, ....etc. are !In the meanwhile, the girl takes out a cigarette from her bag, lights it and begins to smoke. We look at each other and observe that off late, the percentage of female smokers has increased alarmingly. At that point, I ask Pradeep if he will be fine if he finds out that his wife smokes. He hesitantly nods his head and says a "no". And then, we have a little discussion/argument over it.

Talking about Pradeep, he usually, plays a good listener in such scenarios. But if the girl on the next table happens to be a "Chinki", then the roles are immediately reversed. For some strange reason, he has a fascination towards those girls !

Whether the girl is a "Chinki" or otherwise, one thing is a constant for sure. They all seem to have a boyfriend. And most of the times, these boyfriends happen to be an ugly bunch of guys. Atleast, thatz what we feel all the time !! We then begin to wonder if all the girls around us happen to have a boyfriend, then who on earth are we going to get married to ! The thought, no matter how funny it sounds, is neverthless a scary one.

We sit there for an hour or so discussing such "interesting" stuff and then go for a long walk. Life is for sure great fun !!!